Dear Abby: I am a 77-year-old woman with a 27-year-old granddaughter who loves electronics and toys. She has the financial means to do so and often buys me expensive gifts. Although I appreciate her generosity and her desire to make my life “easy and fun,” I have no interest in them.
I find these gadgets more frustrating than fun. I don’t need or want anything. I’ve asked her many times not to spend money on them, but she won’t listen. Maybe I should print this so she can see how hard it is for us old people to use these gadgets. How can I get my point across without hurting her feelings? — Good Intentions
To the Well-Intentioned: Tell your granddaughter that you love her and appreciate her generosity, but that you would like her to stop giving you electronics because they do not bring you joy. If she asks you what you want, explain (again) that you don’t need anything and would like to spend time with her and attend her events. Her feelings should not be hurt by the message.
Dear Abby: I have one sister who is three years younger than me. Our mother is very elderly. My relationship with my sister is awful and we don’t get along well.
If my mother dies, will I have to not go to the funeral? We have no other family and I don’t want to see my sister. My mother and I are very close. Has anyone else had a similar experience? I told my mother’s lawyer that I can’t go, and he said he would understand. — Living alone in NYC
Dear Omo: Funerals seem “for” the deceased, but they are really meant to comfort the living. The time to show respect and affection is while someone is alive. You have done so for your mother for many years. I don’t think there is much left to be said between you two. When she passes away, do what you think is right. Her lawyer says he understands. That should be enough of an excuse.
Dear Abby: After hours of preparing food, is it appropriate for a guest to add salt and pepper to the food on their plate without tasting it? Not only is it inappropriate, it’s just plain rude. Should I say something? Should I never invite them back for dinner? Or should I just let it go? — Garden State
DANGEROUS: The next time a customer reflexively points to the salt shaker without taking a bite of your food, it’s fair to ask why. Perhaps your food tends to be under-spiced.
If you’re truly upset about this, there’s no etiquette rule that says you have to invite the person back again (and I don’t know of any that say a host must always put salt and pepper on the table). If the friendship is warm, I would do whatever it takes to make my guests feel comfortable, appreciate them for who they are, and let the whole thing go.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby can be contacted at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Abby shares over 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets, “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name, mailing address, and a check or money order for $16 (USD) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, PO Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling fees are included in the price.)
